When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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