Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
