my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
