very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My cat gives me a boner
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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