she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
