gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
