i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
