just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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