Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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