i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
