Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
