haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
