I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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