Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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