Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
