Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
