ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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