It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
