$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
