Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have aggressive nipples.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
