Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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