I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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