I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
