I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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