this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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