The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
