i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
