I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
