He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
