Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I will die if light touches me.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
