she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
