everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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