Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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