You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
