I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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