I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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