I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
