Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
