Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
