her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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