Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
