I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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