We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
