we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
