You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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