i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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