NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Two words: blizzard sex
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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