dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
