so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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