I love watching others lives come down to our level.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
